Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

-KAHLIL GIBRAN on LOVE-

Love has been staring me in the face in the past week. I mean really staring, in fact, nagging me to listen to its stories and instructing me to do what it says. So, I paid attention and I submit to Love..

It tells me to post “Love is in the air”, on my facebook wall. At that time, I was at the Toyota Service Centre and decided to sit through the 3-hour waiting time at the lounge, while completing my research and preparation for my “Love 7 Relationship” program on 31 Oct 10.

It tells me to watch a program screened on TV3 at the time. So I did, while waiting. It tells how society conditions love. It tells how a couple decides to elope because the parents could not accept the daughter's choice. They have their own 'perfect' choice for the daughter, of course, the one who possesses a big car, a big house, big money, big title. Just zero on love.

I didnt watch the program till the end as I find it to be so cliche'd. I get that the parents want what's best for the daughter, but money can't buy love and that life without love is meaningless. I can't help but tremble with gratitude that I got to make my own choice when it comes to selecting my life partner. Or at least, He chose for me. So, I have no choice but to make it work! Love shall prevail and triumph!

As I was mentally rehearsing my introduction to the Love & Relationship program, pitching on how love makes you weightless, moved you to swim thousand seas, climb steep mountains, etcetera, Love reminded me of an Anita Sarawak song...”Lautan luas ku renangi”. So I googled the song, 'Bisikan Cinta' and was so moved by the melody and lyrics, my eyes started tearing. Love was overwhelming. It insists on prevailing and triumphing.

Love was expressive, that it made me posted the lyrics on my facebook wall, yet again. It also made me realised how much I miss my husband who works overseas. Tears were just brimming and my nose turning red. I was thinking how stupid I must've looked, sitting in the Toyota Service Centre lounge with a laptop and a book in my hand while eyes were tearing and nose redding. Badly wished I had my shades to cover my teary eyes. My fingers were suddenly busy brushing off tears.

Love then made me posted several love songs on my facebook wall, then made me picked up my blackberry and texted sweet endearments to dear hubbybi. Love, yet again, prevailed and triumphed.

After three hours of waiting and haggling with Love, I headed home. My children were in the living room, my eldest artistically expressing herself on the mini ikea blackboard I just bought. The young ones were playing. Love decided to linger and its energy was so contagious that my children came and hugged me as soon as I entered the house. We group hugged for a bit.

As I hooked up my lappy and keying in my password, my young one started saying they miss their father. So, I decided to bend the rule (as facebooking and interneting are only allowed on weekends) and allowed them to post messages on their father's facebook wall, via mine. All of them were saying how they miss Abah and that they love him so dearly. My heart went out to them, realizing how much they missed their father, yet amazed to see their resilience. Once done, they carried on merrily.

A friend who was reading the posting was moved by the messages and asked when my hubbybi will come back. I said we have long ago left it to the AlMighty to decide. Surrender.

Last night Love made me watched a Malay teledrama entitled “Keabadian Cinta (Everlasting Love)”. It told of three love stories, i.e. a blind girl with a mute (deaf and dumb) boy and the obstcale was communication; a 40 something year old man with a 22 year-old girl, who happens to be his best friend's daughter and of course, the obstacle was the girl's father cum the guy's best friend; and a Malay Muslim girl from a well off typical Malay family with a Mat Salleh musician boy.

All of their love were challenged, put through a test. Some were forced to give it up because of society's conditioning but eventually overcame it. In the case of the blind and the mute, at first he had to use an intermediary, a normal person who is his best friend to be the 'medium'; He'd write letters to express his feelings and the friend would read to the blind girl. However, somewhere along the way, medium friend fell in love and betrayed the 'arrangement'. As the old Malay saying, 'Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi'.

But love prevailed and triumphed yet again. The blind girl was moved by the mute's words and expressions, that she started to fall in love. To cut the story short, the mute overcame the communication obstacle by learning up braille. Problem solved, happy ending.

The Malay girl and the Mat Saleh also had a happy ending. Although they had to give up their love to conform to the society's conditionings, especially the girl's father's condition that the future son-in-law changed his profession from a musician to a corporate bloke. That they had certain reputation to uphold. In the end, both realised they were miserable without each other, and the parents relented out of love for their daughter, only wishing for their daughter's happiness. Hence, marriage was in tow. The conditional love was unconditioned at last!

As for the 40 year-old man and the 20-year old girl, he gave it up. He had to sacrifice his feelings for he is not ready to sacrifice his friendship with the girl's father and wants her to love someone her own age. It is just a crush that she had on him.

How love weave through our lives, energising and vitalising. Love is the reason for living. Life without love is unimaginable. I always say, I can't live without love but I can survive without love..

Love is Strength. Strength in communication, as we need to sustain and preserve the relationship. Ever wondered how the Blind and The Mute (deaf & dumb) have a loving relationship? How do they communicate? One cannot hear nor speak and the other cannot see? But the only way to preserve the love and relationship is communication. This is where creativity is needed.

Orang kata cinta itu buta

(People say love is blind)
Tapi Cinta boleh buat kita melihat jauh dalam hati
(But love enables us see the depths of our hearts)
Cinta tak perlu mata, telinga,
(Love needs no eyes, needs no ears)
Cinta cuma perlukan hati..
(Love only needs hearts..)

-Keabadian Cinta, Astro Prima-

Love strengthens commitment. To make it work, to make it last, to keep the fire burning. It needs commitment to stay loyal, to stay true and honest, to accept the good and the bad, to give and take, to make sacrifices or compromise. It needs commitment.

Love strengthens friendships. It fuels understanding, sensitivity, consideration and thoughtfulness, creativity, intelligence and the loyalty in one another's absence. It synergises.

Love caresses. Love wants to unite always. Ever wondered why couples never get enough of each other? Always wanting to touch, hug, caress one another? It's because love seeks love. It feeds each other. Touching is a way of expressing, communicating.

Love is possessive. It abhors being apart from each other. Trust and respect are the thrust of distance. Staying loyal in each other's absence. That's fundamental.

Love uplifts and deepens the spirit. It makes you want to soar high, it makes everything look effortless. It boosts you, motivates and energises. It is euphoric, lively and you can do anything and go on forever. Love is Energy.

So, how have you loved? Or be loved? Let not love make you a slave, but a victor. And may Love guide you to the absolute Truth..

Yushida Yusuf 
10.10.10

A Mother's hopes & prayers..

(A note I posted on MCKK's website on 6 Jan 2011)

Alhamdulillah, I've successfully registered my son in Form 1 in MCKK yesterday (5 Jan 2011). Am inspired by the welcome speech delivered by the MCKK's YDP Pengerusi PIBG, Dato' Aminuddin Md Desa. He said the focus & objective of MCKK is to groom and produce leaders who are sensitive to the community and people.

There are 118 students selected for 2011 Form 1 intake, and there are potential national leaders amidst this crowd. He urged for all the students to foster rapport & bond with not just 1 or 2 but with all 118 students, as they are not just going to be together for 5 years (until school finishes) but the bond of brotherhood will last a lifetime. And I believe that, being a product of a boarding school myself.

To be an effective leader, one needs to get down on the ground. "Kalau setakat duduk rumah banglo mewah, aircond keliling, bilik sorang 1, macamana nak jadi pemimpin yang peka kepada rakyat & sekeliling. Kalau ada ibubapa yang risau anak tak cukup makan, atau tak cukup tidur sebab kena bangun awal jam 4pagi, adalah lebih bagus dibawa balik ke rumah di mana ada bibik untuk membuat segala kerja2, ada astro, internet, bilik tidur aircond, dsb. Bersekolah di asrama penuh, tidak sesuai".

And I agree with Dato'. I said this based on my own experience coming from a full boarding school.

As a mother, it is only natural to be sad to part with my baby, especially knowing that he has to make it on his own & I'm not physically present by his side. But that's life, there are times when we need to be on our own, independently standing alone, to live/survive. And this separates the boy from the man. And I am more proud that my son has been chosen and given an opportunity to be a commendable leader some day, insyaALLAH.

As a parent, I pray that ALLAH grant all our sons (especially the 2011 Form 1 intake who started a new phase in their lives) with all the blessings, and may He ease their days, grant them His strength, resilience, health, wealth, joy, happiness & may all of the boys become great leaders & ALLAH's Caliphs.

May ALLAH also ease the MCKK Pengetua, his management/teaching staff, to fulfill their promises & achieve all their noble objectives for our sons. Amin.

Wassalam,
Yushida Yusuf
6 Jan 2011

Conscious

People of the world dont look at themselves, and so they blame one another

-Rumi-

Are you sleeping?

Are you sleeping?

Brother John, brother John?

Morning bells are ringing,

Morning bells are ringing,

Ding dong bell, ding dong bell

And who says children rhymes are not spiritual. If you read between the lines, the hidden message is so profound.

Conscious, a simple word which means being awake. If a person is highly consumed with the material world, this word would probably mean that a person is neither asleep or in commatose. In the spiritual context, it can mean 'being dead' while you are still alive. Mind boggling, huh?

Are we conscious of our thoughts, emotions, desires and actions? When we speak, do we fully understand the words being articulated, the message intended to be conveyed? Or simply babbling away? Are we conscious that our emotions affect others around us? Well, we term is as 'moodswings' or rather coded down to the 'weather forecast'. “How's the 'weather' today?” “Cloudy, maybe tomorrow would be brighter”, which can be very, very critical when an employee is seeking approval from a boss.

So, what happens when you are not conscious? Ever wonder what is the root of all evils? The cause of social ills, values erosion? The increasing problems of “Rempit, buang bayi” and others? Isnt it because some of us are not “conscious” when making certain decisions or taking actions. Adrenaline pumping, we are on 'the high”, ecstasy, our minds are numbed. When we are awakened, we start asking questions or seek justification.

Ever familiar with the terms. “I didnt mean what I said” or “Sorry, I didnt realise you were hurt” or “Enjoy! After all you only live once”? The truth of the matter is, you do not live once. You live forever! The repercussions would only be manifested in the life after.

Generally human is driven by comfort or discomfort, pain or pleasure. It's a physical thing. We are usually 'conscious' when we are suffering or facing hardship. We feel the pain is real, as if we can see the knife slicing our hearts deeply and invisibly, blood gushing from the wound. That is when we start questioning the Whys, What Ifs, analysing and reflecting the past that led to a particular outcome and hopefully we learn a lesson or two along the way.

I like to take an example of an abuser. When an abuser abuse, be it physically hitting and kicking a person or verbally exclaiming hurtful words, he or she is not conscious. The emotion such as rage takes over, blocking and blinding intelligence. At this stage, he or she is in all time high. But when the evidence of abuse is visible, such as bruises, injuries, intelligence returns, realisation dawns on the person, until the next trigger. And it is back to square one.

I attended a “Mind & Emotion” talk the other day, by a friend who is a trained Hypnotherapist. She listed down three easy steps to be more aware and conscious or your emotions, especially negative ones as it can have adverse impact to ourselves and others. First, identify what you are feeling, i.e. give the emotion a name, e.g. anger, fear, boredom, inadequacy, guilt, disgust, stress. Next it to analyse why you are feeling the emotion, what causes it. Thirdly, when you have narrowed down what causes it, you can make a 'conscious' decision to address the emotion, e.g. confront and weed out the root cause, find ways to prevent it or simply forgive.

She said to forgive, and NOT forget. If you forget, you unconsciously induce yourself to the same situation repeatedly and are susceptible to the negative emotions again. It's like you never learn. So, forgive but remember, so that you will not end up in that situation once you have overcome it.

I watched the final episode of Khloe & Kourtney in Miami. Yeah, I know reality shows can be cheesy and full of dramas, makes you wonder whether it is really “reality” or staged. But anything about people, I find it interesting. I guess you are aware (if you are one of the viewers) that Kourtney (the eldest sister) is in a relationship with Scott, a flambouyant, simplistic, egocentric guy with an alocohol problem. Before they had their son, Mason (out of wedlock), he has been cheating on her and they have been having an "off and on, hot and cold" relationship.

Typical of abusers, everytime after he hurts Kourtney, be it having an affair or being irresponsible, he would sweet talk and squirms his way through and Kourtney would take him back, much against the family's (especially the Mom) liking. It's another form of addiction. Much like trying to give up smoking or drinking, but the minute you are not conscious, the vicious cycle looms to entrap you back in.

So, in this final episode, she decided to leave him and gave him, space to sort out his problems and gave her and their son's space to be in a healthy, loving environment. And I went, “Way to go Kourt!”. Now she is conscious and thinking straight for once.

There are so many Scotts & Kourneys amongst us, being held hostage in toxic relationships in the name of love. It is because both persons are not conscious of what they are doing to each other. An abused will stay in the relationship out of fear, not so much of the partner, but fear of having to be alone or make it out on his or her own in this world. As such, he or she is enabling and allowing the abuser to remain unconscious.

Wherease the abuser, needs to have control and power, which they such by overpowering the abused. Threats, bribes are lubricant to enable the modus operandi. And if you really analyse, they also have a certain kind of fear, i.e. being abandoned, rejected, but instead of facing the pain points, the abuser would cover it by borrowing or hijacking the strengths from their partners.

My point is, for you to be conscious and more aware of ourselves, one must learn to know more about ourselves, how we are wired and address all the pain points or negative conditionings. Only by being and striving to remain conscious, we could serve our purpose and have a happy and healthy lives.

So, learn to know thyself..

Love,

Yushida Yusuf

Yushida Yusuf conducts a series of program, nurturing self-knowledge and self-awareness through answering the fundamental question of “Who Am I?^TM” She can be contacted thru yushida.yusuf@yahoo.com or connect with her on facebook: Yushida Yusuf.